Devil's Advocate

Here are 20 reasons why making calls suck. And messages are a better way of communicating.

1. You live in Mumbai.
2. The recipient lives in Mumbai.
3. Your service provider is Airtel/ Vodafone/ MTNL/ Some-random-new-entrant.
   
4. Your recipient's service provider is Airtel/ Vodafone/ MTNL/ Some-random-new-entrant.
5. You're in a Local/ Bus/ Auto.
6. The recipient is in a Local/ Bus/ Auto.
7. Because you're in a public place, you don't want others to get a whiff of what is going on. Privacy FTW.
8. The recipient is in a public place and does not want others to get a whiff of what is going on. Privacy FTW. (Personally, I feel this point sucks. We don't give a fuck about others privacy, do we?!!)
9. You can sext. Yes, S-E-X-T. It's like phone sex. But you can read the conversations later and get a hard on. Plus, it can be done sitting in the middle of a corporate presentation (they suck donkey balls anyways), Local/ Bus/ Auto. Although you can have phone sex sitting in an auto, but that pervert of a driver will have fun. And charge you instead.
10. He/ She can sext.
11. You're talking to a Gujju girl, in which case your phone will be on mute but you can still hear her shrill, irritating voice. Soft spoken Gujju girl is an oxymoron.
    
12. The recipient hates talking to a Gujju girl because of aforementioned reason.
13. You could flaunt the touch interface of your latest iPhone or an Android phone while texting (No, I don't give a fuck if the recipient has an iPhone. God, please make his/ her iPhone crush under the merciless Local. Amen.).
14. You could listen to a song while texting and cut out all the ambient noise.
15. The recipient can listen to a song while texting and cut out all the ambient noise.
16. You can text while you're getting laid. But that'll make you a sore loser. Get a life instead.
17. The recipient can text while getting laid. And this makes him/ her a sore loser. FUCK YEAH!!!
18. It IS easier to abuse a person in written text. And maybe he/ she will retain the message and feel humiliated. *imitating Jaquin Phoenix as Commodus* A-G-A-I-N and A-G-A-I-N and A-G-A-I-N.
19. The recipient wants to humiliate you. Where did I keep my Colt?!!
20. I LIKE TEXTING. Period.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind~ Gandhi

A poke in the eye will make Mumbaikars blind.

Picture this: A street strewn apart with construction, clogged gutters, ankles submerged in water, a continuous supply of humans from either side, rains lashing and wetting masses with whatever paltry means they have to protect themselves (rain gods must be having a good time watching all this, live). Everyone just wants to get into or out of the local station. And then you have a beautiful, petite figure walking towards you with a sense of urgency. There's an unmistakable ruthlessness in her strut. But that innocent face hides a sinister secret. A secret that you're going to find out soon.

Very soon.

The Mumbai mob pushes you forward towards your destiny. There's a poke. Pain starts to grip your entire head. Soon you feel it all over your body. There's a moment of blindness (pray that it isn't permanent). Giddy, you come back to your senses with rage getting the better of your rationale. You turn around to catch hold of your attacker. But the cold, wet, emotionless mob pushes you further. Your femme fatale is long gone. You curse her, the rains, crowd, the infrastructure, government (maybe even your birth!!!) et all.

But you vow to take revenge. A revenge against the system. The crowd. You walk like a man who has found meaning in his life. Pushing aside and cursing, somewhere in the crowd your figure disappears; nudging, elbowing and pushing aside fellow humans. Humanity died today. You are now a part of a vicious cycle, engulfed by the monster that is Mumbai. At a poke. The weapon of choice: A rather innocent looking umbrella.

Gandhi died today.

Based on a true story. No humans were harmed during the course of writing.