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French - a subset of Bengalis?

Posted on Wednesday, January 19, 2011 | By Gautam | In , , , ,

A few thousand of years ago, some 'adventurous' Bengalis went to Europe. We now have France~ Gautam

Atrocious is the word brewing in your otherwise uncultured mind (cultured if you're a Bengali). Atroce if you're a French. But French are too lazy to read anyways. Right? Now I've come across a plethora of blogs dedicated to decoding the rather peculiar race of Bhadralok aka Bengalis. Some of them like Dhoomketu's - The Bong give an excellent insight into a shy community. Which presses me to digress momentarily into 'Bongs'. Bongs is the culmination of the process of anglicizing which began a couple of hundred years ago. I see more and more Bengali kids referring to themselves as Bongs. The problem is a widespread one. Mallus, Tams, Bongs et all. The said communities are easily the ones aligning themselves to English education. And it is a well documented fact. Now before you get ready to shatter my mistaken-to-be-a-communist-posterior with your capitalist kicks, it is a case of mistaken identity. I hate communism as much as Lenin did.

Coming back to the issue of a highly anglicized race, Bengalis take pride in the fact that they're Bhadralok - the reminisce of ruins of Gora Sahibs. Perhaps that is the reason we take pride in distinguishing ourselves from rest of India. Heck, give us our own country. Viva la revolucion! And for those from UP / Bihar / Jharkhand / Chattisgarh / MP (see what I did there!), we group you as Hindustanis. For a Bengali, Hindustanis represent a brazen, uncivilized, loud, manner-less set. Which brings us back to the topic.

Yes, the French may very well have emanated from the Bengali gene pool. And I have proof. Gaping, in your face comparison to ensue. Read on!
  • Bengalis are known to be lazy. Lazy shudders at the mere mention of a Bengali. French laziness is well documented. The only active French was a corporal called Napoleon. But I doubt his pedigree. Yes! We're lazy because we are thinking. Of politics, of art, of wars, of culture, of nations, of Obama's policies, of Pamela Anderson's D-cups, of what-have-you. Period.
  • Culture - If it's one thing we can shove down rest of India's throats, it is Culture. Bengalis are the sole custodians of India's culture. It is safe with us. Look what people with frail will power from North and West did to their culture. Our's? It is still intact. Desh aka Kolkata is still the cultural capital of India. So it'd be in the best interest of our nation to officially appoint Bengalis for the upkeep of our culture. French? Oh, that is their only export. Apart from a few over sized jets and particle colliers. Who cares for these anyways?
  • Coffee houses - Picture a place frozen in time, full of the sweet clutter of china, smoke and intelligentsia of Kolkata thronging for their daily shot of adda. Yes, I'm talking about the National Coffee House on College Street. You can hog in under 50 bucks (yes, hog). Intelligent discussions free. Adda is a daily activity without which a bong cannot sleep. Discussions. From politics to what have you, even porn, is discussed. And believe me you, it can get heated. France? Can you imagine France without it's cafes? No. QED.
  • Art- A Bengali is a born connoisseur of art. Since his birth, he is exposed to varied forms of art. What other race in India can boast of influencing their kids by sending them to learn music, painting, dancing, film making etc? At the same time? None. Hindustanis are simply happy watching their kids become barbarians to continue with their business of extortion and stuff. India, we have given you your best directors, actors, singers, poets, novelists, what have you. French, their love for art is well documented.
  • Food - A Bengali lives to eat. A Bengali will attain moksha only if he dies choking off on a generous morsel of machcher mudo and bhat. Sweet tooth? Well a legend goes that early British settlers decided to immortalize a Bengali's love for all things sweet by coining a phrase for this phenomenon - sweet tooth. French love for good food is unparalleled in Europe.
  • Smoke - Now the next best orgasm a Bengali experiences other than the now much cliched macher jhol, is a drag of Navy Cut post a heavy lunch. Unlike primitive races, we don't depend upon sex alone to experience orgasms. Salted biscuits, strong tea and cigarettes is what has kept Communism alive in West Bengal for so many years. French are avid smokers. Too bad, they now have ban on smoking in public places and cafes. Bengalis, on the other hand showed a big-collective-middle-finger to deliver a very simple message to the Central Government - Fuck You! We smoke in offices, restaurants, cafes, banks, railway stations et all. As suggested, we are a nation unto ourselves.
  • Unionbaji - Unions in West Bengal are legendary. So are their Union Leaders. French Unions are legendary. Their Union Leaders are pale compared to Bengali leaders. 'nuff said.
  • Women - Bengali women are dusky, have curly hair (or not), are voluptuous, are cultured, cook excellent food, make excellent mothers, etc, etc, etc. French women are said to possess similar qualities albeit in lesser potency. A gene pool will depreciate with years of intermixing.
Bengalis. Whattey race.

And yes, Bengalis shall inherit this earth.

PS: The post is a result of a drunken discussion with one of my elder cousins who wishes to stay unnamed for the fear of getting raped by Hindustani barbaric women.

Comments (6)

Every single word here oozes of Bongs superiority over other races.

@Neo: Your affinity for Bongs is well know in our circuit :)

Myth busted about french gene pools. Enlightened!

You could some more stuffs that the French learnt by emulating us, the noble Bengalis:

1. They refuse to learn or speak English like any Bengali thinks its beneath his/her dignity to try to speak Hindi.

2. What is French is what is Parisian. What is Bengali, is what is Calcuttan. Essentially. Bhadroloks delight in ignoring the mofosshol like the Parisians are blind to the banlieues.

3. The Bengali word "antel" is close to the French pejorative term "intello" for intellectuals. Most "jhola kadheys" in Nandan are intellos. Of course, the French learnt it from us!

4. Bengalis feel the rest of India never understood them and can't..coz of course we are too intellectual for their limited cerebral capacities. Likewise, the French "live" the pain of "le monde anglo-saxon" that never understood its glories.

Loved the post as much as much I loved Anonymous's comments. I am a Bengali living in Paris and yes, I felt each bit of it as I read...Awesome!!!

:) awshadharon! Jodio, I don't like showing french down, as I am with in a relationship with a french and love every bit of it, but well said.... bravo!